Opinions on Parenthood
So once you become a parent you will be over-loaded with advice and opinions on how to raise your child. Everyone is certain that their way is best and "the only" way it should be done. Mothers will get so worked up I have found that parents can get VERY offended and opinionated about certain hot topics. I have found that there are certain subjects that I do not bring up with surrounded by a group of mothers as it can lead to a very heated argument and a lot of uncomfortableness. These subjects (and much more) are:
1. What and when to feed you child. (organic homemade food, all vegetarian vs store bought) ( when to start solids, juice, cows milk, you name it, people have an opinion about it)
2. The way your child sleeps. ( Co-Sleeping, sleeping on the back or belly, sleep training)
3. Breast Feeding vs Formula
4. Circumcision
5. Vaccinations
6. Birth Control
7. Chemicals in the home ( baby wipes, cleaners)
Most of MY personal parenting style as been to just go with the flow. I honestly didn't do too much research when I was pregnant about ALL the different baby products and advice because I found it WAY too over whelming. There was never any straight answer on anything. For all the research you do on one topic, there are 100 reasons why you should and shouldn't do something I pretty much just told myself that I would figure it out as I go and people have been being parents since the dawn of time, so I am sure I could figure it out.
I have pretty much tried to do what I thought was best in my journey with parenthood. Yes, I have asked for alot of advice and there is still tons I will admit I don't know about parenting, but one thing is for sure. I know my child better than you. I am with him 24/7 and know his reactions/moods/temperament and personality. I remember getting so frustrated (when I was already beyond frustrated) about people telling me the way I should get Max to sleep or eat or the "Wow, you let your baby do that?" question followed by the polite smile. I do know that honestly some people just try to help. Saying something like, well "This _____worked for my child, so maybe it will work for yours? but all babies are different so just hang in there" was the way I liked to get advice. I can just tell that some other mothers are thinking "Well if you just do what I do then your baby will eat/sleep/ be happier"
I have gotten so fed up with young mothers telling other people and making a big stink about how their parenting choices are the best and because of them they are going to have a perfect child. I ABSOLUTELY HATE when a mother will say I need to STOP doing something.
I only have once child, so I only know how he is and thats it. I have learned to only take parenting advice from people I actually know (and like). Plus I have learned that advice from parents of at least 2 children is way more valuable. With only 1 child, a parent only knows one way to do things because that baby responded to it. ( I am including myself in this group) If they have an easy child who ate well and slept well then they think they had something to do with it. I think people with 2+ children understand how much the baby controls the parent and not the parent and not the other way around.And even then, it is just advice on their experience. That person who is telling you what to do is not living you life and in your shoes. I don't think some mothers know how bad they make other mothers feel about being an insufficient parent because their baby doesn't do the things yours does.
I am writing this blog because I want other mothers out there, or mothers to be to understand that everyone is just doing the best that they can. If you are a all- natural holistic mother who uses no chemicals, breast feeds in public, and doesn't vaccinate you child, good for you, but just because a mother uses formula and pushes her child in stroller, doesn't make her a bad parent and any less loving. I am fine with someone saying," ____ is my choice as a parent, and this is why I choose to do it or not do it". But please have respect for parents or choose a different method than you. You have no idea what their family is like.You may not agree or choose to raise your child differently , but that is the beauty of being of being a parent, you get to choose, but you don't have to be snotty or "holier than thou" about it. We are all mothers just doing the best we can, so lets start being supportive to all mothers and not JUDGMENTAL!
1. What and when to feed you child. (organic homemade food, all vegetarian vs store bought) ( when to start solids, juice, cows milk, you name it, people have an opinion about it)
2. The way your child sleeps. ( Co-Sleeping, sleeping on the back or belly, sleep training)
3. Breast Feeding vs Formula
4. Circumcision
5. Vaccinations
6. Birth Control
7. Chemicals in the home ( baby wipes, cleaners)
Most of MY personal parenting style as been to just go with the flow. I honestly didn't do too much research when I was pregnant about ALL the different baby products and advice because I found it WAY too over whelming. There was never any straight answer on anything. For all the research you do on one topic, there are 100 reasons why you should and shouldn't do something I pretty much just told myself that I would figure it out as I go and people have been being parents since the dawn of time, so I am sure I could figure it out.
I have pretty much tried to do what I thought was best in my journey with parenthood. Yes, I have asked for alot of advice and there is still tons I will admit I don't know about parenting, but one thing is for sure. I know my child better than you. I am with him 24/7 and know his reactions/moods/temperament and personality. I remember getting so frustrated (when I was already beyond frustrated) about people telling me the way I should get Max to sleep or eat or the "Wow, you let your baby do that?" question followed by the polite smile. I do know that honestly some people just try to help. Saying something like, well "This _____worked for my child, so maybe it will work for yours? but all babies are different so just hang in there" was the way I liked to get advice. I can just tell that some other mothers are thinking "Well if you just do what I do then your baby will eat/sleep/ be happier"
I have gotten so fed up with young mothers telling other people and making a big stink about how their parenting choices are the best and because of them they are going to have a perfect child. I ABSOLUTELY HATE when a mother will say I need to STOP doing something.
I only have once child, so I only know how he is and thats it. I have learned to only take parenting advice from people I actually know (and like). Plus I have learned that advice from parents of at least 2 children is way more valuable. With only 1 child, a parent only knows one way to do things because that baby responded to it. ( I am including myself in this group) If they have an easy child who ate well and slept well then they think they had something to do with it. I think people with 2+ children understand how much the baby controls the parent and not the parent and not the other way around.And even then, it is just advice on their experience. That person who is telling you what to do is not living you life and in your shoes. I don't think some mothers know how bad they make other mothers feel about being an insufficient parent because their baby doesn't do the things yours does.
I am writing this blog because I want other mothers out there, or mothers to be to understand that everyone is just doing the best that they can. If you are a all- natural holistic mother who uses no chemicals, breast feeds in public, and doesn't vaccinate you child, good for you, but just because a mother uses formula and pushes her child in stroller, doesn't make her a bad parent and any less loving. I am fine with someone saying," ____ is my choice as a parent, and this is why I choose to do it or not do it". But please have respect for parents or choose a different method than you. You have no idea what their family is like.You may not agree or choose to raise your child differently , but that is the beauty of being of being a parent, you get to choose, but you don't have to be snotty or "holier than thou" about it. We are all mothers just doing the best we can, so lets start being supportive to all mothers and not JUDGMENTAL!
Hi Sis! You know me? Does that mean I'm one of the few people that you trust when I've given suggestions? :)
ReplyDeleteI think that most of the time, people in general are not purposely trying to be judgmental, they are just trying to help when they give advice/suggestions. When people have given me advice or suggestions about Clara, I take it if I think it sounds interesting or something I hadn't thought of before, or I leave it if it's something against a personal belief, or I've already tried it or I know it won't work for me. I really don't think the majority of people are trying to be outright judgmental though.
Also, do you talk to many moms in real life or on online message boards? If it helps, I've found that while sometimes online message boards are great and helpful, other times other moms on there can be kind of "my way or the highway" and that any other way is not right. they. So if you do a lot of mom message board reading and it stresses you out or makes it unworthy as a mom, I suggest you stop reading them...or at the very least, ignore all the posters that you don't agree with and respond only to the ones that you do.
Oh and be very particular about who you ask about the 7 topics you listed, ha ha! Many women will turn those things into a fight no matter what - but every once in a while you find find a good group online and that actually discuss them rationally and are informative.
Sorry you're feeling so much pressure and stress in your parenting choices! I hope things get better!
Happy 1st Mother's Day! :)
I feel that hearing everyone's opinions on everything vaguely parenting-related must be a rite of passage of some sort for all first-time moms. Hang in there-it will pass (right?)
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