To Work or Not to Work
So, when people asked me if I was going to go back to work after I had Max, the response was always " I don't know, I am just seeing how it goes." I kind of just thought to myself that I would seriously start thinking about it after Christmas. I just put off thinking about it really and truth be told, before Christmas I was way too wrapped up in just trying to get any sleep at night and finding time to take a shower... Since things have calmed way down with Max I started to allowing the thought of going back to work enter my mind.
I have ALWAYS worked, since I got my first job as at the Bulverde Bakery when I was 15, I have literally always worked. All throughout high school, and usually more than one job at a time in college. Except for the 5 months that I lived in Australia, I worked. I think I have written a blog about working before and how I felt about not working while I was pregnant, and that was different. I had nothing to occupy my time then and felt pretty worthless just hanging out at home, now that I have a child, it is a completely different feeling.
I often hear stay at home moms say "being a mom is my job". And although I do admit that being at home and raising a child 24 hours a day is way harder than any job, and ALOT of people could not handle it. I don't think it's a "job". In my mind a "job" gets you money (and is something you can put on a resume) I am not putting down stay at home moms by any means because, believe me, I know how tough it is and way to go all of you out there!
When Max was a couple of months old, I would seriously just sit and wish I could be working...working anywhere! The house was closing in on me and I was so jealous that Jeff got to get up, get dressed, feel like a person and go to work every day, and I was stuck at home. I was trying to remember what was so terrible about waiting tables and working retail anyway, this having a baby business was so draining!
But, ever since I have been back to the UK, and have had a better handle on this whole "mom" thing, I have been trying to find things to fill my day. I have always been involved and now that I can function as an adult, I am all about finding things to do. I created a play group for Max, and got him enrolled in swim lessons. I also started planning a small get together for some spouses and have started baking some more. I also hired a baby sitter to come twice a week for a few hours each, so I can get stuff done. Whether it is errands around town or just organizing the house. It is very nice to have some alone time every week. I also put myself on a cleaning schedule for the house, so the house stays relatively clean. I've been pretty proud of myself for actually get things done now.
Since things are getting accomplished I felt like I could do more and I started just browsing around for jobs to see what was available. I told myself, I wouldn't take a job, just to work and only find something that I really loved. Well, the other day I found a listing for a coordinator position for the club on base. It was be a great job, so I just went ahead and applied since it couldn't hurt. Well, I got an interview, it is tomorrow. Obviously, I am not sure I will get the job (since I really tend to suck at interviews, which is surprising because of how many jobs I have had) but I am still on the fence if I even want to work.
I mean yes, I want to work because I want to help make money for our family. I enjoy making my own money to pay off my student loans and it really is nice to be able to buy presents for Jeff without using the money he earned. I also just like feeling so accomplished. At work, and especially in the event coordinator field, there is a certain accomplishment that comes with pulling off a great event. Also, I kind of consider myself a low maintenance feminist, and I feel like women have earned the right to work outside the home if they wish. It is no longer 1950 and I want to be a part of the "liberated woman" of today. I really believe that women can be great moms and have a great career. It doesn't have to be one or the other and I kind of want both. I feel like if I didn't work, in 5 years I might regret it. I absolutely know for sure that I do want to work again at some point and don't want too long of a gap in my work history. I still am a woman and want to be more than just a mom. (again, not that there is anything wrong with stay at home moms, I might even be one, and I don't want anyone to get offended from this blog, but I just personally feel like I will want more). I do want do be the one to raise him and watch grow, but does having a child mean I have so give up on everything that I am? Men aren't expected to give up their jobs when they have a baby.
On the other hand, I honestly don't know if I can leave Max for that long every day. Sometime I miss him when I just leave him with Jeff for an hour to go to the grocery store. Or sometimes when Max takes a really long 2 hour nap, I can't wait for him to wake up so we can do something. I really LOVE spending all day with him and seeing him learn new thing and grow. I feel so connected to him, and I feel like I am the only one (although I know I'm not) that can do everything just the way he needs it. I kind of wished I had gone back to work when he was younger. When he was only 8 weeks old, and all he did was cry, it would have been so much easier to leave him at day care:) Now, its just so hard to be away from him. (because he is the cutest baby in the world!)
But also, I never wanted to be one of those moms that can't leave their kids with someone else. I always thought it was so lame when moms are completely wrapped up in their child's life and never give them ANY room to breathe, and never do anything for themeselves. Just because I am a mother doesn't mean I'm not a woman still.
In conclusion, I still don't know what I am going to do. If everything works out for me to work, then I will, if not, then I won't. There are pros and cons to both, and I think every woman and mother has to make the decision that is best for her and her family. (That has kinda been my new philosophy when it comes to parenting anyway. Every family is different and has different wants and needs, so basically, do what is best for you and don't listen to what everyone else says:)
I have ALWAYS worked, since I got my first job as at the Bulverde Bakery when I was 15, I have literally always worked. All throughout high school, and usually more than one job at a time in college. Except for the 5 months that I lived in Australia, I worked. I think I have written a blog about working before and how I felt about not working while I was pregnant, and that was different. I had nothing to occupy my time then and felt pretty worthless just hanging out at home, now that I have a child, it is a completely different feeling.
I often hear stay at home moms say "being a mom is my job". And although I do admit that being at home and raising a child 24 hours a day is way harder than any job, and ALOT of people could not handle it. I don't think it's a "job". In my mind a "job" gets you money (and is something you can put on a resume) I am not putting down stay at home moms by any means because, believe me, I know how tough it is and way to go all of you out there!
When Max was a couple of months old, I would seriously just sit and wish I could be working...working anywhere! The house was closing in on me and I was so jealous that Jeff got to get up, get dressed, feel like a person and go to work every day, and I was stuck at home. I was trying to remember what was so terrible about waiting tables and working retail anyway, this having a baby business was so draining!
But, ever since I have been back to the UK, and have had a better handle on this whole "mom" thing, I have been trying to find things to fill my day. I have always been involved and now that I can function as an adult, I am all about finding things to do. I created a play group for Max, and got him enrolled in swim lessons. I also started planning a small get together for some spouses and have started baking some more. I also hired a baby sitter to come twice a week for a few hours each, so I can get stuff done. Whether it is errands around town or just organizing the house. It is very nice to have some alone time every week. I also put myself on a cleaning schedule for the house, so the house stays relatively clean. I've been pretty proud of myself for actually get things done now.
Since things are getting accomplished I felt like I could do more and I started just browsing around for jobs to see what was available. I told myself, I wouldn't take a job, just to work and only find something that I really loved. Well, the other day I found a listing for a coordinator position for the club on base. It was be a great job, so I just went ahead and applied since it couldn't hurt. Well, I got an interview, it is tomorrow. Obviously, I am not sure I will get the job (since I really tend to suck at interviews, which is surprising because of how many jobs I have had) but I am still on the fence if I even want to work.
I mean yes, I want to work because I want to help make money for our family. I enjoy making my own money to pay off my student loans and it really is nice to be able to buy presents for Jeff without using the money he earned. I also just like feeling so accomplished. At work, and especially in the event coordinator field, there is a certain accomplishment that comes with pulling off a great event. Also, I kind of consider myself a low maintenance feminist, and I feel like women have earned the right to work outside the home if they wish. It is no longer 1950 and I want to be a part of the "liberated woman" of today. I really believe that women can be great moms and have a great career. It doesn't have to be one or the other and I kind of want both. I feel like if I didn't work, in 5 years I might regret it. I absolutely know for sure that I do want to work again at some point and don't want too long of a gap in my work history. I still am a woman and want to be more than just a mom. (again, not that there is anything wrong with stay at home moms, I might even be one, and I don't want anyone to get offended from this blog, but I just personally feel like I will want more). I do want do be the one to raise him and watch grow, but does having a child mean I have so give up on everything that I am? Men aren't expected to give up their jobs when they have a baby.
On the other hand, I honestly don't know if I can leave Max for that long every day. Sometime I miss him when I just leave him with Jeff for an hour to go to the grocery store. Or sometimes when Max takes a really long 2 hour nap, I can't wait for him to wake up so we can do something. I really LOVE spending all day with him and seeing him learn new thing and grow. I feel so connected to him, and I feel like I am the only one (although I know I'm not) that can do everything just the way he needs it. I kind of wished I had gone back to work when he was younger. When he was only 8 weeks old, and all he did was cry, it would have been so much easier to leave him at day care:) Now, its just so hard to be away from him. (because he is the cutest baby in the world!)
But also, I never wanted to be one of those moms that can't leave their kids with someone else. I always thought it was so lame when moms are completely wrapped up in their child's life and never give them ANY room to breathe, and never do anything for themeselves. Just because I am a mother doesn't mean I'm not a woman still.
In conclusion, I still don't know what I am going to do. If everything works out for me to work, then I will, if not, then I won't. There are pros and cons to both, and I think every woman and mother has to make the decision that is best for her and her family. (That has kinda been my new philosophy when it comes to parenting anyway. Every family is different and has different wants and needs, so basically, do what is best for you and don't listen to what everyone else says:)
I support you in what ever you decide. I think it is great that your getting back out there. Your so social I didn't think you would stay home for long. Way to go for putting forth the effort to get where you want to be! Miss ya like crazy
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I think it sucks to be a working mom. I would LOVE to get to be a SAHM. I would love it. I could really devote time time to raising my kids AND take time to pursue my own interests as well. I don't know if I just feel this way because I'm currently trying to juggle both working full time from home and being a full time mom at home and so therefore can't focus on either fully and am just stressed though. But just as a view from someone on the other side - the grass isn't necessarily any greener over here either. :)
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